The Deeper Journey

So like I said, my journey, hasn’t been a linear road from Point A to Point B.

It’s been quite the opposite – filled with twists and turns, stopping and starting over, discovering and rediscovering.

From the time I was a little a little girl, I always felt different.

I didn’t know what it was, but I could just feel it. I was the black sheep of my family – born and raised in a really wonderful Southern, Catholic, Lebanese family. My dad worked a lot + my mom held the home together. We had family nights + I played sports + everything was “normal”, but I could always feel something was off. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I actually was feeling everything from everyone around me. As an empath and highly-sensitive kid, I was on sensory overload all the time. I could feel mom’s feelings and dad’s feelings and I made it my job to people please and placate and make sure everyone else was okay.

Kind of a big job for little Julie to take on.

I spent a lot of time alone – in my thoughts and in imaginary worlds. There was this pervasive feeling that something was wrong with me + all I ever wanted was to fit in with the other kids. Eventually, the feelings got to be too much, so I slowly started to just turn them off. It was easier for me to feel nothing than to feel everything.

At my 8th grade graduation, I was surprisingly named Student of the Year. As I stood on the altar in the Catholic church receiving the award from the priest, I looked out at the audience + saw my parents pride. My dad’s eyes were filled with tears + my mom was cheering. The other kids were looking at me longingly.

It was in that moment – I was hooked. For some people, addiction happens with alcohol or food or drugs or sex. For me, my first addiction was ACHIEVEMENT.

I spent the next 4 years in high school, doing everything I could to recreate this feeling of being worthy through achieving. I was involved in every club, voluntary organization, and more. By senior year, I was the President of Student Council and was again named Student of the Year – for my entire city!

The striving continued.

I was accepted into the prestigious Johns Hopkins University, where I suddenly felt like a small fish in a very big pond. My first year of college was my first taste of depression. I didn’t know what was happening, but I felt an indescribable sense of hopelessness and despair. Shortly after my sophomore year began, my parents called me one night to let me know they were separating.

My whole life had been built around family + now I was 1000s of miles from home and everything was falling apart.

But, I didn’t have the tools to deal with my feelings because I’d stopped feeling things long ago and replaced feeling things for doing things.

So I did what many college kids would do: I drank more + I worked harder.

I convinced myself that everything was fine + that I was fine. So I kept on moving, kept on striving, and kept on achieving. I was on a never-ending hamster wheel and was petrified to get off because if I did, I was afraid my feelings would kill me.

I graduated from college as the President of my sorority and my a cappella group (not kidding) and kept climbing the Achievement ladder.

I landed a high-paying corporate job on Wall Street and the striving continued. My parents got divorced and I isolated myself even more. I turned to food (usually pints of ice cream), wine (some nights an entire bottle), and more work (aka achieving).

Those were the holy trinity of addiction for me: food, wine, + work.

But my feelings were starting to catch up with me.

I finally couldn’t take it anymore. Just a year into my very depressed life in NYC, I quit + moved to Argentina to volunteer with kids in a poor neighborhood.

I thought that maybe if I had a more meaningful existence, then I’d be happy.

But 6 months into volunteering in Argentina, the depression came on stronger than ever. I would come home after a full day of volunteering with these amazing kids and would spend the rest of the night drinking a bottle of wine, eating block of cheese and crackers, and watching The Simpsons in Spanish.

When I returned to the United States, I was in a deep cycle of binging, drinking, trying to exercise to make up for it, dieting, all while deeply looking for my purpose in this world, and trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do with my life.

Somehow in the midst of this all, I fell in love. My then boyfriend, now husband, lived in San Francisco so I thought that maybe if I moved there, THEN I’d be happy.

It turns out the zip code didn’t fix all my problems. I still didn’t know who I was or what I wanted.

I tried working in a non-profit and ended up back at my Wall Street job this time on the West Coast – waking up at 3:30am and working 13 hour days.

I couldn’t stop. I knew it wasn’t where I was supposed to be but I didn’t know what else to do.

I was stuck.

Finally, on my 29th birthday, I found myself face down over a toilet after a brunch filled with mimosas.

I looked at myself in the mirror + heard my higher self lovingly and fiercely say “GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER JULIE.” That was the moment everything changed. It was the crack – the turning point.

I heard myself for the first time in over a decade.

The next few years were a roller coaster.

In the few months that followed that “aha” moment in the bathroom, my body fell apart. My body had been speaking to me in whispers for years, but I’d ignored her so she finally started yelling.
I had to look my food addiction square in the face.

I had to get myself to therapy and deal with the unresolved feelings I’d been hiding since I was a kid.

I quit my job, faced all my fears about security and stability, and had to let it all fall apart before it could come back together.

I went to India + studied yoga.

I took countless classes and workshops, courses and have studied with some of the best healers and practitioners in the world.

I had to find ME.

It turns out that NOTHING OUTSIDE OF ME was going to “fix” me. It was never about the job, or getting married, or a body that looked a certain way, or having a business I loved.

It wasn’t about any of that.

That’s not what I was really looking for.

I was looking for MYSELF.

And “I” couldn’t be found in anything other than me.

So I had to meet myself again.

I had to rediscover who I was + I had to heal all the crap that I built as an armor to protect myself.

Brick by brick, I took down the walls.

Day by day, I found myself.

And breathe by breathe I am STILL discovering more and more of who I truly am.

That’s why I do the work I do – because it keeps me REAL + authentic = and if we’re not being real, what’s the point of being alive?

Nothing outside of you will ever fill you up in the way your heart is longing to be filled.  You already have everything you need inside of you. All you have to do is say “yes” to finding it.

When We Work Together

With me as your guide, you will learn how to dance to the magic of life.  You stop controlling things. You start trusting that there is another way and that it’s safe to walk this new path. You know that you don’t have to walk it alone.  Together, we open doors.

I have a super organized, linear, corporate brain mixed with spot on, feminine intuition sprinkled with some deeply inspiring spirituality.

You will know exactly what to do to move forward in your life, in your relationships, in your business and everything in between. YOU WILL BECOME YOU AGAIN.

 No more fear.

No more wondering or waiting.

 Just you and the truth of who you are. Safe. Loved. Protected. Inspired.  Free. Here for something important.

 Together, we uncover what that is.